There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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