no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
