I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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