I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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