I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
