he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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