dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
