Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
