I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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