Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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