I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
