Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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