i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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