the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
