I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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