Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize