I cannot find my penis.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it because I queefed?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
