i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
