Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
