i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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