she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
