somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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