The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
