He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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