We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize