I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
