There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
