I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
