Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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