therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
