lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
