if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
