I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
