I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
