I'm going to rape someone's good day.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
