I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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