Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
