Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
