6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
