If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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