I think im going to throw up on grandma
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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