he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
