i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
