The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
