Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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