I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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