we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize