I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
