we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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