so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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