We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
