come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
