I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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