I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Panties = found
Randomize
