I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
