Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
