you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
