Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
