The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
