i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
