I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to calm my uterus...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
