batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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