Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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