Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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