i was born a porn star she said
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
