I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
