I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
