hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
