Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
