we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
