WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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