shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
