I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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