also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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