I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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